The General's long sword
by JammyWammy
Summary: Sephiroth finds out the hard way that a bored Genesis is NOT a good thing, especially when the Commander does something drastic that turns the General's world upside down. [Each chapter starts where Genesis gets bored and does something to tick off the General and ends in him running for his life, along with some other people.]
1. Chapter 1

**Final fantasy VII and its character solely belongs to Square-enix (Formerly Squaresoft)**

 **Online Dating**

Genesis tapped his fingers on top his desk while slightly tilting his office chair from side to side, an annoying squeeking sound emitting out of it. He sighed after his last batch of tapping then looked down. He didn't want to feel this way, he stared at his lap with hollow eyes, like an empty, soul-less shell of his former self, he was feeling the last thing that he wanted to feel.

Boredom.

He decided to go out of his glum office for a while, he stood up and started to go over the door, he planned to visit his good friend, the silver haired General, Sephiroth. He walked over the halls with a dumb look on his face.

When he finally reached the General's office, he barged in without even knocking, greatly surprising the General that he actually lost his grip on the papers he was clutching on his chest then tried to catch them multiple times in a clumsy manner, causing more to fall out of his grasp, which was very uncharacteristic of him, but Genesis barely raised an eyebrow and was still sporting that same bored look. The three of them have their share of weaknesses and secrets, like how Angeal cannot sleep without his large, childhood stuffed moogle, Mr. Butterfingers, the same moogle where Genesis wrote 'I will murder you and...' in front of its white body while 'Eat your brain for dinner' was on the back using a permanent marker and Angeal wasn't able to get rid of it. Or how Genesis would sing on the shower loudly, thinking that he has the most immaculate voice of all, like the voice of a God riding on a shiny pony galloping down a rainbow, but in truth, it was like long fingernails being scraped into a blackboard.

"There's a courtesy called knocking, ever heard of it?" Sephiroth said flatly while collecting more papers on the ground. Genesis just watched him while still holding the doorknob.

"Just... What are those?" He finally asked then slowly went inside and closed the door. Sephiroth sighed then started to pick up more but he didn't respond. Genesis noticed how the tip of ears suddenly reddened, he raised an eyebrow. "Seriously, what are those?" Sephiroth cleared his throat.

"Nothing." He said without looking at Genesis. The Commander raised an eyebrow at him.

"Nothing... That doesn't look like nothing..."

"I could use a little help though." The general said irritably, but Genesis only sat down on the couch and crossed his legs, his ankle over his knee and spread his arms over the arm rest. Sephiroth groaned then threw the rest of the papers that was on his arms in fury. Genesis raised both eyebrows this time in surprise.

"What's eating you General? Time of the month?" Genesis asked again, Sephiroth ignored his question and went over to his desk then leaned his elbows over it while he held his head with both arms. He was silent for a while before he spoke.

"Letters..." He mumbled. Genesis uncrossed his legs then leaned forward.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that, what did you say?"

"They're letters." Sephiroth said with a louder voice, Genesis leaned back on the couch.

"What kind of letters?" He asked again.

"Lo..." Sephiroth hesitated then swallowed. Genesis tilted his head in confusion. "They're letters... From... Girls..." Sephiroth trailed off while he blushed, tips of his ears reddening again. Genesis pressed his lips together and started shaking from the laughter he was holding in.

"You're so adorable Sephy, still shy around girls, I see." Genesis said with a smirk that earned him a glare from Sephiroth, he raised his hands up in surrender.

"What do you need Genesis?" Sephiroth asked, sounding really exhausted.

"Can't I visit a good friend without needing anything?" Then he suddenly got an idea to ultimately kill his boredome, he unconsciously sported an evil grin on his face and the General knew that it wasn't good news.

"...What..." Sephiroth asked really slowly in a low voice but it was more of a statement than a question. Genesis suddenly stood up while he slapped his thighs and went for the door.

"See you around General." He waved goodbye then went out, he didn't even close the door, Sephiroth sighed and rubbed his temples. He saw an infantryman pass by and he called him over.

"Hey, you." He said, the said infantryman stopped on his tracks and looked over the General's office then pointed his forefinger to his chin.

"Sir?"

"Can you close the door?" Sephiroth asked while still rubbing his temples. "Thank you... What's you're name?" He asked while he furrowed his brows.

"Cloud, Sir, Cloud Strife." He said with an over enthusiastic salute that was almost embarrassing.

"Okay Cloud, please close the door." And there was a click.

* * *

Genesis sported an overly wide grin on his face while he typed on his computer, the way that the screen was illuminating his face made his smile really creepy. His office door opened and Angeal went in, he stared at the commander with a questioning look while he closed the door.

"Just what are you up to this time Genesis?" He asked while he approached him, Genesis gestured his hand for him to go over and look at what he was doing.

"Look." Genesis said, still wearing that overly cheerful, creepy smile. Angeal raised his eyebrows.

"A dating site?" He asked. Genesis nodded his head.

"Yeah, I'll register Sephiroth in it so he can get a girlfriend and overcome his shyness of being around women." He started to type again while chuckling. Angeal smirked.

"But he's not going to like that though, he might chop you off from limb to limb, cook them and feed them to Darknation." Angeal said which made Genesis grimace.

"You and your horrible imagination." Genesis said flatly with a disturbed look.

"What have you got so far?" Angeal asked.

"Here," He pointed on the screen. "Check this out."

 _Name: Great General Sephiroth_

"That's disgusting and it's not even a real name." Angeal said.

 _Age: 25_

 _Sex: Why not?_

"Really Genesis?" Angeal asked the smirking Commander then he continued reading.

 _Likes: Beautiful women_

 _Dislikes: Not women_

"What kind of a shitty profile is that?!" Angeal asked irritably with a perplexed look.

"It says here we need to put some hobbies." Genesis continued, ignoring Angeal's comment. "Let's see... He likes to chop off things... And-"

"You can't put that in there! You'll scare the ladies away!" Angeal said while he gestured his hand towards the screen.

"Right, right. Well, he..." Genesis paused, now that he thought about it, WHAT were the General's hobbies? Aside from slicing things and sitting his ass flat on his office the whole day.

"Just type there that he likes cooking." Angeal said and Genesis did what he was told.

"Right, we should just make up some lies... to attract women." He said, looking proud of himself at his not-yet-there achievement.

"How about playing tennis? Swinging his sword and the tennis racket are basically the same right?" Angeal nodded to himself approvingly.

"Right... Playing... Tennis..." Genesis said what he was typing out loud. "But is playing tennis that attractive?"

"I don't know..." Angeal said with a frown.

"Wait, we need to upload a picture too." Genesis said. Then he started going over his photo albums on his computer, mostly taken from their missions, both him and Angeal started scanning on which picture of the General to choose, most of them were either only half of him was in the shot or he was blurred like a paranormal entity from moving too much when the camera was clicked.

"Not so photogenic, are we, General." Genesis commented on the photos, looking defeated.

"Wait! There's one." Angeal pointed at a picture, it was a solo shot of Sephiroth, he was topless while holding his Masamune on one hand, his hair blowing along with the wind, it was truly surreal and magical.

"Majestic as fuck, I would say." Genesis said with the same creepy grin from before. Then he started editing the photo and typed some text on it.

"What are you doing?" Angeal asked but he got the answer before Genesis could speak a word. He typed in 'Come at me and I'll show you my long sword' at the bottom of the photo in bright yellow colors. Angeal shook his head with a perplexed look. Then he started to walk away.

"Done." Genesis said then started cackling.

"Goodluck keeping your head for the next few days." Angeal said before he was out the door.

* * *

Sephiroth clicked on his mouse while trying login to his e-mail, unknown to him, Genesis had used his e-mail to register him to a dating site, they know each other's passwords like a bunch of lovers. Then his brows furrowed when he saw multiple e-mails from an unknown source, all sporting naughty and really explicit titles. His eyes widened and his jaws slackened while his face was drained of color. He shakily opened an e-mail and he got the shock of his life when a photo of a topless woman popped up his screen that made him fall over his office chair, bump his head on his desk and left the world of consciousness. Just then, an infantryman knocked but when he received no answer, he slowly opened the door and peeked in, he was carrying some documents for the General, his brows furrowed and he instantly panicked when he saw a pool of silver hair on the floor behind the desk.

"General!" The infantryman threw the documents upward causing it to scatter everywhere then frantically ran over to Sephiroth, he gasped when he saw him unconscious on the ground, then the General's computer screen pulled his head to look towards it like a magnetic field, and it caused the infantryman to jump backwards and yelp, causing him to collide with the office chair and fall over, he bumped his head on the wall behind him really HARD that his helmet was removed from his head and fainted, with blond spikes popping out of it.

Angeal discovered the 'bodies' after a while and closed the e-mail while looking around slowly, feeling guilty about it, he didn't know what had caused the two men sprawled on the floor to collapsed but he knew that it has something to do with the topless woman on the screen. When both of them was admitted at the in house hospital of Shinra Electrical company, Genesis was out in the world doing his missions, or rather, escaping the wrath of the silver haired General once he wakes up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Close Encounters**

Sephiroth is an extreme workaholic, if he's not out in the field killing things, he would be in his office, constantly bent over on his desk working on loads of paperworks and other important business.

"You should get out, it's your day off." His good friend Genesis told him and it was the dreaded sentence he didn't want to hear when he's busy doing his business, it was indeed his day off but he had no intention to spend it and have some relaxation time, for him, work was relaxation, making everyone scratch their heads in confusion when they hear about it.

"Geez, you're such a workaholic, you should go out and have some fun once in a wh-"

"I do know how to have fun, thank you very much." He said without looking at his Commander, still scribbling away on his paperwork. Genesis rolled his eyes.

"You wouldn't know what fun is even if it sat on your face and took thousands of crap on your head!" Genesis said which made the General look up with a perplexed look.

"That's..." Sephiroth grimaced. "...is not true..." Sephiroth said flatly then looked down at his papers. "This is fun... For me..." Genesis scoffed then crossed his arms.

"Are you listening to yourself? Look at you! You're spending a well deserved day off here in your stuffy office doing some Gaia knows what stuff and you call this fun?" The commander was not one who loses his patience but the General was really pissing him off. "Just watching you makes me feel bored to my core." He said, Sephiroth's eyes widened. He heard the forbidden word that shouldn't come out of the Commander's mouth.

 _Bored._

"I'll show you fun." Genesis bent over to the telephone on the desk and pressed a button. "Call in Fair to the General's office, now." He commanded then released the button. Sephiroth raised an eyebrow.

"Just what are you up to?" He asked the red haired Commander who smirked.

"To show you how to have fun, like the real fun, not this fake fun you drilled in that boring head of yours." He said while gesturing to the silver head man's skull. Sephiroth just raised both his eyebrows with a bored look. Just then, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in." Sephiroth said and the door opened, black spikes coming in all over the place.

"Zack Fair, SOLDIER 2nd class, reporting for duty, Sirs!" The raven haired man with black spikes did a salute while grinning wide, Sephiroth actually squinted his eyes from the brightness of his smile.

"Just in time, I have a mission for you, 2nd class SOLDIER, Zack Fair." Genesis said with a wry smile while Sephiroth sighed, he already had a bad feeling and when he feels that way, he's usually always right.

* * *

Zack and Sephiroth walked outside the city, passing by some shops, cafes and restuarants.

"So... What do you have in mind, Zack?" Sephiroth asked him, Genesis had asked Zack to take Sephiroth somewhere to have fun on his day off. The last words that the Commander told him was, 'Go all out', with a sinister grin on his face.

"I was thinking we should..." Zack said then his eyes widened and his smile became bigger and brighter that Sephiroth squinted his eyes again. "Oh there!" Zack pointed over to a shop just up ahead.

"An ice cream parlor?" Sephiroth asked, slightly shocked. _What am I? A six year old?_ He thought to himself.

"Yes sir, it's going to be a fun day, I promise."

While walking about towards the ice cream shop, three beautiful ladies noticed the two of them and started giggling and whispering to themselves, Zack, being a well known ladies man, didn't waste anymore time and wiggled his eyebrows at the three woman who started giggling again.

"That's a _long_ sword you got there, General." One of the ladies said in a sultry voice, emphasizing on the word 'long' while they past the two gentleman, the General's mouth fell open slightly and blushed furiously while he stopped on his tracks. Zack grinned brightly, trying hard to prevent himself from bursting out laughing and have his head chopped off to roll on the gutter. He looked back at the three women and sent them a flying kiss and a wink that had them giggling louder.

"Sir? You alright?" He asked the dumbstruck General who didn't seem to hear him. He tilted his head to look at other parts of his face. "Sir?" Sephiroth snapped out of his petrified state.

"Amsorihuwatdihyusey?" Sephiroth's speech had been impared that very moment. Zack's happy face melted then cleared his throat.

"Are you okay? You look sick. Your face is red and all." Zack said while he crossed his arm, concern plastered on his face. Sephiroth shook his head.

"No, I'm fine." He said then started walking away again.

Both of them looked at the large menu on top of the cashier, going over to which flavor they were going to get.

"Hmmm... I think I'll have the birthday cake sundae..." Zack said. "How about you sir?" Sephiroth pursed his lips.

"I'll..." He hesitated then looked around nervously. "The..." Zack raised his eyebrows and waited patiently. "Chocolate peanut butter...ecstasy..." He trailed off and Zack smiled again making the General look away from the brightness of it.

"I got it." Zack whispered, he understood that the General was embarrass to say the name because it sounded so sexual. He went over to the counter and, "One birthday cake sundae and chocolate peanut butter ecstasy please!" He said loudly and cheerfully and the General's eyes widened when he heard the word 'ecstasy'. He blushed then walked away to find them a table and sat down, still red in the face.

* * *

"Mmmmm... Mmmm...! MMMMM!" Zack didn't hesitate to express his excitement in eating his sundae, the General looked up at him with eyebrows raised. "Oh sorry... Am I bothering you?" Zack asked.

 _Yes._ "No, not at all, please continue." _Please don't._ And with that, Zack did continue his moaning making the silver haired man inwardly face palm.

The two of them spend the rest of the afternoon walking around, checking out some shops then had dinner at one of the restaurants. It was uneventful for a lot of women were constantly commenting on how large the General's sword was, much to his embarrassment.

Zack managed to convince the General to go to a bar and have drinks, they were both seated at the bar and Zack had been rambling to no end but the General was not complaining.

"And Reno was accusing me of putting that box in his locker and threatened to beat the shit out of me when he gets a hold of me." He said then took a sip of his drink.

"What box?" Sephiroth said without looking at Zack.

"It's a box that when he opened, it was full of dog crap. It was really gross." Zack said then the General looked up at him, disgust clearly seen on his face.

"That's..."

"And there was a note, too." Zack said again.

"What's written in it?"

"'You're full of shit' is what it says." Zack said nonchalantly, Sephiroth smirked but kept his thoughts to himself.

 _That's true though._ He thought while smirking.

Just then, a woman approached them and she was the sexiest, sultriest woman that both of them have ever seen. Sephiroth's mouth fell open while he stared with a blush on his face. Zack put his game face on and did his signature sexy smirk that never fails. She was blond that had her hair tied in a bun with a pair of light brown eyes. She wore a black, haltered dress that goes only to the middle of her thigh, it was backless that leaves nothing to the imagination.

"Is this seat taken?" She asked in a seductive voice and she was pointing at the seat next to Sephiroth, who was opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water, Zack's face fell however, for his sexy-smirk-that-never-fails actually failed.

"N-No..." Sephiroth stuttered then the woman smiled and took her seat.

"I'm Leandra." She said with a smile. Sephiroth blushed again. "You are General Sephiroth..."

"Yes." He responded to quickly then she noticed the thing resting beside Sephiroth.

"That's a really long sword..." She said slowly in a low voice that had Zack sputtering on his drink.

This is going to be long night.

* * *

Sephiroth was drunk, he was _really_ drunk and his usually shy-with-women self was replaced by a confident, womanizing son of a gun.

"I was supposed to be at the office today but my friend pushed me to go out, and I don't regret it one bit." He said to the woman on his right, he gave her a lazy smile which had her giggling.

"Tell us about that sword of yours..." The woman on his left said in a sultry voice and he turned his head to her instead and gave her the same lazy smile.

"It's long... Big.. and Really... Really..." He paused and thought for a moment. "Sharp." He said then leaned forward to nibble on the woman's ear, she yelped in delight.

"I want to know just how sharp it is..." The woman on his back said while she snaked her arm on his chest. He chuckled the looked up.

"You're going to hurt yourself, baby." He said and if either of his friends heard him, they only have one thing to say:

'Just who the fuck is this guy?'

"Try me... General." She purred. Just then, Zack, who was full of sweat, interrupted his happy times and hurriedly grabbed him away from the women who started to groan and complain.

"Sir, you should be careful, they might drug you, take away all your stuff and leave you butt naked in the middle of the road, you wouldn't want that, do you?" Zack said that earned him a confused look from Sephiroth who was swaying slightly.

"What are you talking about?" He slurred.

"Or maybe even worse!" Zack hissed then looked around. "You may catch a disease and die." He said with wild eyes, Zack was clearly very drunk too. The General's brows furrowed.

"What dise-"

"Anyway, let's just dance, shall we?" He started dragging the General to the dance floor he stood in the middle and started doing some moves which had everyone going wild, Sephiroth raised both his eyebrows and realized how good of a dancer Zack was. He smirked while he bobbed his head to the beat, not a normal thing he would do if he wasn't drunk. Then he moved forward to the dance floor, which is another thing he wouldn't do when he was drunk, he did a hand stand then flipped, and started break dancing.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Was all Zack could say. Sephiroth finished his moves with a rapid head spin while everybody cheered wildly that they felt like their throats were getting ripped from the intensity.

Sephiroth woke up with a start and found himself on top of his office table, topless with a bunch of faded glow sticks on his hands and glow bracelets on both his wrists. His head pounded really hard and he was startled again when his office door suddenly opened, the director of SOLDIER, Lazard Deusericus, came in and was startled himself when he found the state that the General was in.

"What in the world...?"

"What happened...?" Sephiroth asked groggily, trying to slowly sit up, grimacing from the pain of his head.

"I was about to ask the same question." Lazard said when he slammed a newspaper beside the General, whose eyes greatly widened when he saw the front page.

He saw himself in a weird looking position, doing a headstand to be specific, while people surrounded him. His mouth fell open whe he read the headline.

 **General Sephiroth shows moves that grooves**

He didn't speak for a while before he saw someone in the photo cheering wildly for him on the side and his eyes hardened in fury. He knew who was to blame for this humiliation.

"GENESIS RHAPSODOS! ZACK FAIR!" His angry, loud voice echoed throughout the whole SOLDIER floor, making Angeal jump in his living quarters and startling a blond, spikey haired infantryman who was carrying some coffee while day dreaming about raven hair and ruby eyes near the General's office, throwing away everything in the air and yelping when the hot liquid collided with his skin.

"Motherfuck!" Infantryman Cloud Strife whined with his voice cracking while he jumped up and down.

And once again, Genesis was back to running for his life, but this time, Zack was along with him, doing the same thing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Twister**

Sephiroth had invited Angeal and Genesis for dinner, but Angeal would be cooking because he knew that he was hopeless when it comes to the kitchen. It was kind of offending to invite someone then ask them to cook for you, but Angeal is Angeal and never complained about it, but if it was Genesis, he will not let Sephiroth forget about it and put his SOLDIER honor to shame.

The General's phone in his living quarters rang and he went over it to answer the call.

"Yes?"

"Hey Sephy!" The lively voice he knew anywhere was on the other line and it made him grimace a little.

"Zack." He responded flatly, Zack Fair had just been promoted to 1st class and had been latching himself to the General more than necessary like a leech.

"I hope you don't mind that I'm bringing a friend with me." Zack said which made Sephiroth's eyebrow shot up.

"What friend?"

"He's an infantryman with blond, spikey hair, I know you know him. His name is Cloud Strife." Sephiroth thought for a while.

"Oh, yes, I know him. I don't mind."

"Great! See ya Seph!" Then there was a click. Sephiroth removed the ear piece and stared at it for while when he suddenly realized something.

 _WHEN did I ever invite Zack for tonight?_ Then he sighed. _Angeal._

The truth was, he was still traumatized by Zack's presence from the dance floor fiasco weeks back, the humiliation was overbearing and the number of girls sending him fan mail had doubled, much to his dimsay. But how could he reject the guy now?

Angeal was the first to arrive, he wasted no time and hurried towards the kitchen, then Zack arrived with Cloud hot on his heels, who gave the General a timid and sheepish smile.

Genesis was rather late, however, he didn't come until thirty minutes after call time. The door suddenly opened with a bang that made them all jump and a beaming Commander entered the door, and Sephiroth was not liking that smile at all.

"Sorry I'm late, got important business to take care of." He said then put the paper bag he was carrying unceremoniously near the door. Sephiroth raised an eyebrow on the said bag.

"What's that?" He asked. Genesis followed his eyes and looked down on his bag.

"Oh that, that's the business I was talking about." He said with a big smile. Sephiroth raised an eyebrow again.

"About time you got here." Angeal said as he peeked from the kitchen wearing a black apron with 'I turn on girls with my cooking' written in it. It was a gift from Genesis to Sephiroth for reasons he don't know, he can't even cook to save his life.

"Yes, and since I was bored to death-"

 _NO_. Sephiroth interjected with his mind.

"-I figured that I'd bring something special for us to do after dinner."

"What is it?" Zack inquired with a bright smile, while Cloud stared at the Commander with his mouth slightly agape.

"You'll find out after dinner." Genesis answered with a naughty grin on his face which made Sephiroth tilt his head sideways without taking his eyes off the Commander.

 _Whatever that is, I'm already not liking it._ He thought to himself.

Dinner went great, the food that Angeal prepared was delicious and everyone was all smiles when they were done eating. It was then that Genesis suddenly stood up with a huge smile on his face.

"Follow me everyone." He said while he bowed and they all stood up, Sephiroth did it hesitantly though, he already had a bad feeling. Genesis grabbed the bag and pulled out the contents inside, the first thing everyone saw was colors.

Lots of it.

"What is it?" Cloud asked this time then he nervously looked around the 'elite' group of 1st Class SOLDIERs while he was just a lowly infantryman, he felt like he didn't have the right to talk but of course, that was not the case. "Sorry..."

"This here, is a game that I loved when I was a kid, remember this Angeal?" Genesis asked his childhood friend who narrowed his eyes at the object, then smiled brightly after.

"Oh yeah, it's a twister game isn't it?" Angeal asked. Genesis smirked then nodded.

"Twister?" Sephiroth inquired with an eyebrow raised. Zack started jogging in his place.

"Oh, OH! I know that one! Oh yes! I'm excited to play! Come on let's do it!" He exclaimed like a kid who just got his first toy, Sephiroth rolled his eyes. Cloud however tilted his head to the side.

"What's a twister?" The blond asked then looked around nervously again. "Sorry..."

"The rules are simple." Genesis started explaning while he layed out a huge mat with with colored circles all over it. "We have this dial here," He gestured to the cardboard that had a spinner in the middle, on all four corners had 'Left foot', 'Right hand', 'Left hand', and 'Right foot' written on them and smalled colored circles were in circular shape all over the middle. "We have to spin this and wherever color and body it stops to, the one in turn would have to follow what it says, for example." He spun the dial then it stopped at 'Right foot, yellow'. "Cloud, you go first, place your right foot at any yellow color." He asked the blond who nervously obliged.

"O-Okay..." He carefully placed his right foot at the yellow circle on the end.

"Oh YES! This is so much fun! WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO!" Zack exclaimed, completely sounding like a choo-choo train while he rapidly jogged in place. Sephiroth gave him a perplexed look.

 _Angeal shouldn't have made that molten chocolate cake for dessert._ He thought with a sigh at the overly hyper raven haired man.

"Your turn Angeal." Genesis said then he spun the dial again and it landed on 'Left hand, green'. Angeal bent down and placed his left hand on one of the greens. "Zack."

"ALRIGHT! BRING IT ON CAUSE I'M WINNING THIS THING, BABY! WOO WOO!" Zack yelled while he clapped his hands like a seal.

 _What in the world...?_ Sephiroth shook his head with a perplexed look. Angeal watched his student with a bored look, he was used to Zack's antics and it was hardly surprised by it at all.

"Right foot, red." Genesis said and Zack stomped his right foot a red circle with his hands on his hips and a triumphant look on his face. Sephiroth face palmed.

 _Please, don't let me do this... Don't call my nam-_

"Sephy." Genesis called his name with a sinister grin on his face, the General sighed then braced himself, it was another long night for him.

* * *

Reno whistled with his hands on his pockets as he walked on the halls of SOLDIER floor, he bobbed his head along with his imaginary beat with a huge smile on his face, he happened to pass by the General's living quarters when he heard a noise from the inside. He carefully placed his ear flat on the door and his eyes widened and a little gasp escaped him when he heard the voices inside.

"Sephiroth, brace yourself, because I'm coming in fast!" Angeal said breathlessly.

"Hurry up! Because I can't take it anymore, I can not wait any longer!" Sephiroth yelled back while holding his breath. Then there was a yell of pain from both parties.

"Steady yourself Sephiroth, don't put too much pressure on my hips!" Angeal yelled again.

"Cloud! Don't move around too much because I can't do it properly, just steady your ass will ya?" It was Zack's voice.

"But! It hurts! It hurts a lot!" Another cracking voice was heard.

"Marvelous, just marvelous, I never knew I would witness you all with your bodies intertwined with each other like this. It greatly turns me on." Genesis finally said and that was the last straw.

 _THEY'RE HAVING A SAUSAGE FEST?!_ Reno didn't think twice and barged in the door.

* * *

"Sephiroth, brace yourself, because I'm coming in fast!" Angeal yelled to the General while attempting to snake his right hand under the General's arched back. Yes, he was bending upside down.

"Hurry up! Because I can't take it anymore, I can not wait any longer!" He needed Angeal to support himself from his exhausting and humiliating position. Angeal and him yelled when Sephiroth almost fell over and and Angeal was most likely to be taken down as well. Sephiroth rested his buttocks on Angeal's angled hips under him.

"Steady yourself Sephiroth, don't put too much pressure on my hips!"

Zack on the other hand had been having trouble because Cloud kept shaking, his stomach was hovering over the blond's buttocks and the shaking was not helping at all.

"Cloud! Don't move around too much because I can't do it properly, just steady your ass will ya?"

"But! It hurts! It hurts a lot!" Cloud whined, his arms and back was on fire and was on the verge on turning like jelly.

"Marvelous, just marvelous, I never knew I would witness you all with your bodies intertwined with each other like this. It greatly turns me on." Genesis said while he nodded his head approvingly with a lopsided grin on his face which earned him glares from Angeal and Sephiroth, he held up his hands in surrender. Just then, the door opened with a bang and Reno started striding towards them while waving his forefinger in the air like a mother scolding her naughty kid.

"I knew it! I knew it! I've been questioning the General's sexuality an-" He froze when he saw what was really happening. "...Oh."

"You've been questioning my what..." The general asked slowly in a low, venomous voice. He suddenly straightened up in a creepy way from his backward bending position that sent shivers down Reno's spine.

"What I mean is... Because you look like you're repulsed by women and-"

"Reno, just stop talking and start running." Angeal said casually.

"Got it." Reno said calmly then he started running away while he yelled on top of his lungs. The General calmly grabbed his sword and started walking away to follow Reno.

Genesis on the other hand carefully packed away the game and casually walked out of the General's living quarters and intended to get away as far as he can for he knew that he will be the next one on Sephiroth's 'who to skewer' list.


	4. Chapter 4

**Terminal**

Genesis flipped the channels of the TV in his living quarters absentmindedly, he found nothing interesting to watch and was getting restless. He decided to stop and placed the remote on his coffee table then leaned back on his sofa with his arms outstretched on the backrest. Running on the television was a soap opera and the scene he was watching was about a man on his deathbed, with a girl crying all over him.

"The hell is this?" He asked himself. He raised an eyebrow and thought that it was lame but decided to watch it anyway.

* * *

Genesis sobbed with his cheeks soaked with tears while his eyes were still glued to the TV screen, he ate chips in between his sobs then grabbed a tissue paper to blow his nose.

"You can't die you weak piece of shit!" He exclaimed then threw the bag of chips on the TV screen. "So powerful... Beautiful..." He expressed his undying love for the soap opera and will be waiting for the next episode. He sighed shakily before he look at his clock, it was still early, then his eyes found themeselves in the calendar that was plastered on his wall.

A grin of absolute evil appeared on his tear stained face.

* * *

"Sephiroth!" Angeal barged into the Generals' office with a bang making him jump. Sephiroth clutched his chest for his heart was beating madly.

"What in the world is going o-"

"It's Genesis! He...!" Angeal was visibly shaking from head to foot. Sephiroth stood up, horror etched on his face.

"What happened?" He asked sternly. Angeal swallowed before he spoke again.

"He... Just follow me, now, right NOW!" Sephiroth didn't waste a moment and started running after Angeal.

* * *

Sephiroth opened the door of the room in the in house hospital in Shinra company with a bang, Doctor Hollander jumped and threw his documents up in the air while Genesis, who was lying down on the bed, started a sudden, excruciating coughing fit.

"Sephy..." He called with a hoarse voice. "I..." He gestured his hand for him to come near the bed.

"What happened?" The General inqiured with Angeal hot on his heels.

"Sephiroth... I..." Genesis said with the still hoarse voice while trying to hold his breath, he sounded like an 80 year old man. Then started coughing again, he inhaled a long and loud breath with a pathetic look on his face which made Sephiroth to turn to doctor Hollander. Angeal swallowed with a sour look at the intensity of Genesis' breathlessness.

"What is this about?" Sephiroth asked with genuine concern, the Doctor sighed and sat down his chair.

"Genesis... He... Caught some kind of virus from a monster and it greatly affected his lungs" Hollander paused then looked solemnly at the General. "The virus had spread and it caused severe respiratory damage." He said glumly while he adjusted his glasses. "He... He's terminal..."

"WHAT?!" Both Angeal and Sephiroth exclaimed at the same time. Genesis started another set of coughing fit that sounded really painful.

"I... Can't take it anymore..." He said with a grimace. Since Angeal and Sephiroth were still shocked and were facing Hollander, he pulled out a vial of strawberry jelly from his pocket, grabbed a tissue paper and poured some in it, he hid the vial away then started coughing again in an exaggerated manner while he covered his mouth with the same tissue, both Angeal and Sephiroth turned around to see him. Then he slowly lowered the tissue with a look of absolute horror on his face. Both his friends went over to him to look as well, seconds after, the three of them were sporting identical looks and it was totally picture frame material.

"This... it's blood! IT'S BLOOD!" Genesis started to be frantic as he held the "bloody' tissue paper in front of him and his friends with an overly shaky hand.

"Why is your blood looking like jelly?!" Angeal asked frantically then he quickly grabbed the mask from the oxygen tank then slammed it in Genesis' face which made him yelp from the pain. Sephiroth held it for him while he gestured his head for Angeal to turn on the oxygen.

"Breath! Just breath alright?! Your blood is already cloting and this is bad! Really bad!" Sephiroth started yelling while Genesis was still in pain, blood pouring out of his nose from the force of Angeal's hand from before. "Doctor! He's getting worse! His lungs are giving out!" Sephiroth yelled at the Doctor who was trying to stop them.

"He doesn't need the oxygen mask!" Hollander yelled back.

"STAY WITH ME GENESIS!" Sephiroth was already hysterical while Angeal was holding both his hands on either sides of his head like a mad man.

"All of you calm down!" Hollander yelled at the 'dying' commander and his overly frantic friends. It was complete chaos inside the room. Genesis slowly turned his head towards the doctor then spoke.

"How can I calm down?! You don't know how I feel! Are you even human?! You can't understand another man's feelings! You have a heart of stone! COLD HEARTED, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE!" Genesis yelled dramatically then he started sobbing while clutching his chest. Sephiroth and Angeal still frantic, muttering to themselves and was shocked at what was happening, the room suddenly looked like it belonged to a mental institution. "I can't do this anymore..." Genesis said in a almost whisper. Then he turned his head towards the Doctor's table were a few medical devices were situated, he suddenly jumped from his bed, taking his IV along with him, grabbed a surgical knife then started screaming in an over dramatic manner.

"I mustn't suffer any longer! I will bid you farewell and be gone forever... I love you all, especially you..." He paused then turned his gaze towards the General with his lips quivering. A tear escaped his eye, all he had to do was recall the dramatic episode of the soap opera he had just watched. "Sephiroth..." The General's eyes widened at his last statement and Genesis could have sworn that there were tears waiting to fall out of them, The commander hovered the knife on top of his wrist and that's when the General took action.

"NO! YOU CAN'T!" Sephiroth jumped and latched himself at Genesis' waist, the force pushed the commander backwards causing him to bump his head on the wall with a sickening thud, he yelled in agony from the pain of his head then both of them fell over. The surgical knife got thrown away and pierced itself at Angeal's left shoulder, whose eyes greatly widened then screamed on top of his lungs. Genesis' eyes were about to roll behind his head when he spoke first.

"April fools my sweet..." Then he was gone, unconsciously anyway. The General's eye twitched. Angeal on the other hand stopped his hysterical screaming while his eyes started to harden towards the Commander.

 _'My sweet'? Really?!_ He thought angrily. _  
_

Hollander had to call for back up to be able to stop the General from killing the unconscious form of Genesis Rhapsodos with the surgical knife that he carelessly pulled out from Angeal's shoulder. Hollander started sneaking out when there were enough people grabbing every inch of the greatly enraged silver haired man.


	5. Chapter 5

**Rock Hard**

Genesis was irritated to his core, it was an important day for one his best buddies in the world and nothing remotely exciting was happening at all.

 _What the fuck is the matter with him?_ He thought with an angry pout. Angeal had been watching him while he sat across from him in the cafeteria in Shinra, Inc. He raised an eyebrow as Genesis refuses to share his deep thoughts to him so he decided to ask.

"Something wrong?" Angeal asked while he cut his meat, Genesis started tapping his fingers on the table, pout still appearing on his lips.

"Why does it have to be like this?" He asked with a sigh. Angeal's brows furrowed.

"What, did your girlfriend dumped your sorry ass for a leotard clad dance instructor or something?" Angeal asked again but Genesis didn't look up a him.

"Which one?" He asked in monotone. Angeal gave him a questioning look.

"What?"

"Which one of my girlfriends are you talking about?" He asked again with a glum look on his face. Angeal rolled his eyes continued to eat. "No one dumped me, and my ass isn't sorry, it's tight, tappabl an-"

"I don't wanna hear about them asses when I'm eating this shit colored steak."

"You started it."

"Then why are you so down today? You caught some kind of STD from one of them?" Angeal said again while he ate, Genesis looked up at him with a disguted look on his face.

"I would never let that happen, I have these, you know, custom made condoms, they're super thin an-"

"Please stop." Angeal pleaded while he put his fork down.

"Okay. Okay, you don't know what day it is?" Genesis asked with a disbelieving look. Angeal thought for a moment before his eyes widened.

"Oh shit."

"Don't worry, I got it." Genesis gave Angeal a smug smile. The raven haired SOLDIER suddenly felt uneasy.

"What are you planning?"

"Just wait and see..." Genesis said again before he stood up. When he was about to walk past Angeal, his wrist was grabbed causing him to look down at his friend.

"What did you say about those condoms?"

* * *

Sephiroth, as usual, was busy with a ton of paperworks in his office. He was actually enjoying what he was doing and was hoping that there will be no interruptio-

A knock was heard by the door which made him sigh.

"Come in." He said in monotone without looking up. He heard the door open then closed once again, footsteps were coming nearer but he still didn't look up, he saw a shadow hovering above his papers ans still, nothing. "What is your business with me?" He asked.

"Good afternoon General." It was a voice of a female which made him stop dead on his scribbling, he slowly, very slowly, looked up at the source of the voice and he found himself making eye contact with the sweetest looking girl he had ever seen, her smile was cute and sweet, and she was a nurse.

"Ummm..." He couldn't find the right words for the current situation. He swallowed with wide eyes which made the cute girl smile further. He threw up in his mouth a little.

"I was requested to check on your vitals, routine check up for everyone in SOLDIER sir." She said with a sweet smile.

"O-Oh...? B-But..." He stuttered but the nurse was already beside him and she started wrapping the cuff around his arm to check on his blood pressure, he shuddered at the contact of her sweet and small hands to his fully clothed arms. She started pumping the bulb while she looked at moving hands inside the manometer. She stopped pumping then smiled before she removed the cuff once again.

"120/80, pretty normal." She said with another sweet smile. Sephorth grinned nervously, making his smile look forced and pathetic.

"I ah-ACK!" Sephiroth was about to speak when she pulled out a thermometer and shoved it inside his mouth. She looked at her wrist watch then she started scribbling on the clipboard she carried with her, not even bothered that she choked one of the most powerful man in SOLDIER that could easily impale her with his long sword, though it depends which sword it was, she might giggle in delight at the flesh colored one, if only it was possible to happen, this is Sephiroth we are talking about after all. She stared at the thermometer in the General's lips for a while before she removed it, she put down her clipboard on top of the table. She frowned as she stared at the result. Sephiroth frowned along with her.

"Is something wrong, Miss?" He asked, she was silent for a while before she spoke again.

'Yes... It seems that you're temperature in down..."

"What?"

"It's down, below the normal temperature..."

"I... What?" He asked again, she put down the thermometer and stared directly at the General's eyes.

"I know how to fix that, I'll get your body heat risin' in no time." Sweet and innocent aura gone as she suddenly ripped the top part of her nurse uniform off.

* * *

 _I wonder how he's enjoying the show..._ Genesis thought with a smug look on his face, bobbing his head up and down in satisfaction.

* * *

Sephiroth's face was about to rip in half at the wideness of his open mouth, it looked scary and funny at the same time and the look was totally frozen for a few seconds, his mouth grew even bigger when she removed her white pencil skirt upwards and threw it in the air, causing it to collide with Sephiroth's face, which, by the way, didn't change one bit as the skirt slowly slide down his face towards the floor.

"I heard someone had grown up today." She said in a sultry voice, she was now wearing a very sexy white and pink corset with suspenders on the hem connecting to a pair of white stockings, with matching white lace panties, and pink high heels. She spun the office chair that he was occupying with incredible speed which made him gasp, totally uncharacteristic of him. His eyes were about to fall out the sockets when she suddenly straddled him and started whipping her head round and round, her hair flying and slapping his face but the itchy sensation was not even felt by him for he was being numb all over.

 _WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!_ His thoughts were screaming for him for he couldn't do it out loud, he was petrified beyond belief. The 'nurse' suddenly started singing in a low, sultry voice.

"Happy birthday... To you... Happy Birthday... To you..." She sang while she still whipped her head like she was possessed by the spirit of ultimate hornyness. She stopped whipping her head to stare at the face of the wide mouth, wide eyed, still petrified General. She used every inch of her will power to stop herself from laughing out loud from the pathetic look on his face. She decided to distract herself by standing up again, she turned her back on him to sit back down on his lap, and started grinding her hips while she moaned as she caressed her own breasts. Sephiroth was still rock hard, on both body and soul.

His long sword included.

* * *

"What the hell are you smiling about Gen?" Angeal inquired as he entered the Commander's office, the said Commander sitting on his chair with a smug smile on his face.

"I gave the General the best birthday present ever..." She said then his smug smile turned into an evil grin. Angeal tilted his face sideways without taking his eyes off the Commander.

"Oh boy..." He said slowly. "What kind of present was it, exactly?"

"Stripper-gram." Genesis said with the still evil grin. Angeal turned around and started walking away.

"Don't come running to me when he decides to kill you for good this time."

"Who says I'm going to need your help?"

* * *

"ANGEAL! HELP ME PLEASE! HE'S GOING TO KILL ME!" Genesis yelled as he stride the halls of the SOLDIER floor with Sephiroth running after him, sword in hand. Cloud Strife was walking in their direction when he caught sight of them, his eyes went wide when Genesis bumped into him which caused him fall dead flat on the floor while his vision turned black, Sephiroth jumped over his collapsed body before he continued to run after the Commander. Apparently, the General had enough of the sweet 'nurse's' teasing and puked all over her ass when she grinding herself unto him. She ran away crying while clutching her nurse uniform, not even bothering to change her sexy outfit.

Angeal started a wide mouth, rambling laugh as he stirred the stew he was cooking at his kitchen inside his living quarters, not giving a care if Genesis is actually killed this time.


	6. Chapter 6

**Ball**

"Zack, do you remember when you took Sephy to the bar and got him drunk?" Genesis asked the puppy after he pulled him away to some secluded corner. Zack stared at the commander with a confused look before he grinned making Genesis' eyes squint.

"Oh yeah, and then he started hitting on all those girls, groping on their asses and shit." He said while Genesis bobbed his head.

"That's right, now I need you to cooperate with me, the Shinra ball is coming soon and here's what we'll do..."

* * *

Sephiroth stared at himself in the mirror while adjusted his suit, he looked daper, neat and very, very handsome. But of course he wouldn't admit that to himself. He had tied his hair on a ponytail on the nape of his neck adding more effect to the overall look.

 _Why do I have to go..._ He thought with a sigh, he has a lot of work to do but he needed to be at the ball, he was the General after all. He stared at himself one last time before he turned on his heel to go out of his living quarters.

"Sephy darling." The General continued walking away without looking back at the Commander who's arms were outstretched like a bird, as if waiting for a hug, he was disappointed so his arms went limp on his sides and his face fell. "Oh, don't be like that. I wanna see the handsome you very much."

"Reno was very wrong to question my sexuality when it should have been you." Sephiroth said in monotone, still not looking at his friend. Genesis threw his head back to laugh out loud.

"Oh, believe me General, I'm straighter than straight, if you know what I mean." He said with a smirk.

"No, I don't."

"Of course you don't. But..." Sephiroth sighed when he realized that Genesis' wasn't done talking. "I could bend the rules for you, seeing how handsome you look right now, gettit? _Bend_ the rules." He started laughing again while Sephiroth slowly backed away from him with a grimace visible on his face.

The General was glad he got away from the sleazy Commander, and he will do his best to avoid him throughout the night.

"What's with you? You look like a predator waiting to strike, you've been glaring at everyone passing by." Angeal said as he sat down beside the General, who indeed was looking like that.

"I'm just making sure Genesis isn't around."

"What did he do now?"

"He's been acting all... Friendly..." Angeal raised an eyebrow.

"Well, he's your friend of course he'll be friendly."

"That's not what I meant..." Sephiroth said with a sigh. "He's been... Commenting on how handsome how I looked and he even called me darling." He said while hestared at Angeal, a call for help clearly shown on his eyes. Angeal's eyebrows shot up.

"Maybe those Mako injections are not doing him any good. Screwing up his brain or something."

"Oh Sephy..." It was the singsong voice of the devil himself.

"Oh crap, I have to hide." Sephiroth said as he stared at the Commander who was approaching him while waving his hand. Sephiroth was doing a poor job hiding himself as he just hid his face at Angeal's back, who was snorting at what was happening.

 _Idiots._ He thought.

Sephiroth was about to lose hope when someone approached them, Angeal blushed at the newcomer, she was a really cute young woman with shoulder length light brown hair, she wore a very cute light green ball gown and she was blushing while she looked at the General.

"U-Ummm.. E-Excuse me..." Even her voice was cute. "General..." The said General snapped his head up to look at the source of the voice. He too blushed at the cute girl who was looking down, her eyes glancing up at him from time to time. "Do you mind... If I ask you to dance?" She asked, Sephiroth blushed harder then he looked forward to see the Commander approaching nearer, then he looked back at the girl, then the commander, then the girl.

"Yes." Without hesitation, he pulled the woman away towards the dance floor. It was the perfect excuse to get away from Genesis and his slimy self. He grabbed the girl's hand then put his on her waist without taking his eyes off the pouting commander. They started dancing, still not taking his eyes off Genesis.

"Ummm..." Her shaking voice snapped him back to reality, he blushed when he realized how close they were being, he started sweating. "Hi... I'm Keira."

"H-Hi..." He cleared his throat. "Sephir-roth."

"I-I know... You look... Very handsome ummm..."

"T-Thanks... You look..." He cleared his throat again, they continued to dance without saying another word. After a while, they decided to get some drinks on the bar, both of them still not talking while nursing their drinks.

* * *

"He's been very mean to me these past few months..." Sephiroth sniffed while the girl named Keira kept looking nervously around.

"U-Ummm..."

"I did nothing but be a good friend... But he would always do mean things to hurt my pride and feelings..." He started sobbing. "What did I do to deserve this?" Everyone was actually noticing what was happening but tried their very best to ignore the crying General while Keira was humiliated beyond belief. She stood up then put her arms around him to help him up.

"Ummm... General, let's get you to bed and-"

"I would LOVE to get you to bed." He suddenly said with a lazy smile plastered on his tear stained face then he leaned forward to give Keira a very wet and sloppy kiss. The girl's eyes went wide and her mouth fell open and her hold on him went limp making him fall down. He started fits of drunken laughter while still on the floor.

"What the?" Angeal hurriedly went to his friend to help him up, Genesis and Zack trailing behind him. "Guys, help me." Angeal told Keira, Zack and Genesis who obliged.

They managed to get him back to his living quarters, Angeal threw him on his bed where he started laughing again. He slowly sat up to stare directly at Keira, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"Come here baby, come to daddy and make me happy." Keira shuddered and Angeal's mouth fell open while Genesis' eyes went wide, then he started laughing out loud while smacking his thighs. Sephiroth gave him a lazy, perplexed look.

"What's so funny?" Sephiroth slurred while swaying slightly.

"What's so funny? WHAT'S SO FUNNY?" Genesis said while Zack started shaking his head rapidly with wide eyes while he mouthed 'no'. "THIS!" Genesis suddenly pulled the hair of the girl, revealing very blond, spikey hair beneath.

* * *

"Get Cloud to dress up as a girl, then I will pester Sephy so he would attach himself to Cloud, who's dressed up as a girl."

"Okay, but how can I convince Cloud to dress up as a girl?"

"Tell him I'll pay him four times his monthly paycheck and I'll treat him to lunch for a whole month."

"Okay. Leave it to me." Said a beaming Zack.

* * *

Genesis thought that since Sephiroth was drunk, there was no need for him and Zack to run for their lives.

He was proven wrong about that one.

Cloud on the other hand had locked himself inside his room, muttering words to himself while he held his hands on either side of his head.

"I'm so sorry Tifa... He took my first kiss... He took my first kiss..." He started sobbing in his hands.


End file.
